i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
