Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So here I am, sexting at work.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
