just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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