his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
