Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
