Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
