Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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