his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize