Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
