I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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