went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
