Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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