somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
