I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
