***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
