You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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