I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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