What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
