Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
