so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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