so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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