I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
