The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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