I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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