Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
