I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
