You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
