i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
