'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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