she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
