How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
People in love make me want to vomit
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
