we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
