You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
