her vagine was all disorganized.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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