She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
