i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
