I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
