I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
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Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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