Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
