dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
