I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
