guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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