But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize