Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
