im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
