you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
