So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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