i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
