can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
