i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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