can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You ruined the universe
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