I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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