Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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