my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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