Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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