Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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