We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
