fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
