M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
