Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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