The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
